Being Present to Joy
Recently Christa and I visited friends in Oregon we’ve known for three decades. We were driving through the countryside one morning en route to a hike where we would walk along--and sometimes behind--several gorgeous waterfalls. In the car, Carlos said, “I just want to say how great it is to be with you right now.”
A summer getaway, the beauty of creation, the delight of companions who know us well. We were all enjoying our time together, but hearing it proclaimed out loud elevated the moment. Carlos’s comment helped me realize how important it is to notice moments of joy as they happen, name them, and savor them together.
Being present to joy requires us to be aware of our emotions generally. That means we’ll notice our negative emotions more clearly too. It might seem like this would undermine joy. But that’s not the way it works. In Inciting Joy, poet and essayist Ross Gay says it a “dangerous fantasy” that we “think of joy as meaning ‘without pain,’ or ‘without sorrow.’” That’s because our culture tells us joy comes from organizing closets, purchasing a Tesla, or getting a promotion.
Instead, joy is about being alive to the world. It thrives in the midst of other emotions, including pain and sorrow. We don’t need to wallow in sadness but we should acknowledge and welcome the sorrows life inevitably brings. This turns out to be an unexpected gift. “What if joy,” Gay asks, instead of refuge or relief from heartbreak, is what effloresces from us as we help each other carry our heartbreaks?”
So exploring what brings us joy--even in the midst of sorrow--can foster connection. Joy “is an ember for or precursor to wild and unpredictable and transgressive and unboundaried solidarity,” says Gay. “My hunch is that joy, emerging from our common sorrow--which does not necessarily mean that we have the same sorrows, but that we, in common, sorrow--might draw us together.” Paul understood this when he sought to deepen the bonds among Christians in the community in Rome by pairing these commands: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.”
-David Neumann