Lost in the Fog

John 20: 25 – Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.

Recently I saw a sign that said, “Life is like playing chess.  I have no idea how to play chess.”  Oh, how I relate to that sign.  Even after identifying as a Christian for decades, I still wonder how much of this I truly understand.   Yet there is something about following Christ that seems to insinuate that we should have the answers nailed down.  Some people call this religious certainty. 

The Christian faith is a journey filled with moments of doubt, and we can see this with Thomas.  Think about Thomas.  He gave up everything to follow Jesus.  Jesus was going to save Israel, and Thomas planned to help him.  Then suddenly Jesus is killed.  I can imagine Thomas thinking, “I thought he was the one.  What was all of this about?  How did I get this so wrong?”  That had to have been so confusing for him.  Then his friends just happen to see Jesus again – a dead man – when he wasn’t around.  Thomas must have been thinking, “Nope, you’re not going to fool me again.” 

But Thomas doesn’t have to take them at their word.  Jesus appears to him too.  Jesus embraced him exactly where he is at mentally.  He invited Thomas to touch his wounds -handle the evidence - and then encouraged him to reconsider what he believed.  This Jesus is not so fragile that he cannot handle our doubts and questions.  We are invited over and over again to handle the evidence and recheck our beliefs.  We may feel lost in the fog, but those times are critical.  Rachel Held Evans said, “Doubt is the mechanism by which faith evolves.”  It is the only way we can develop a faith that holds up when life gets hard. 

In Black Liturgies Cole Arthur Riley offers this prayer.

May the God who allowed Thomas to press into his wounds guide your hands toward a belief that is compassionate and tender.  May you be protected from the tyranny of certainty and breathe in divine mystery daily.  Amen