No Judgement - Billy Minshall

“Do not judge, so that you may not be judged.” Matthew 7:1, NRSV.

This week in the Youth Group, we discussed a time when we felt judged. People shared that they felt judged for outward appearances including clothing, accessories, age or gender. A couple of people shared that they felt judged for being “too smart,” or for knowing too much information about a specific topic. 

Inevitably, the question came around to me. When have I felt judged? Many times in my life. But recently, I have felt judged when people ask what I do for a living. I always pause. Do I share that I work at a church? People sometimes have strong reactions and big feelings about anything church-related. I try to read the room, but that’s not always possible. Inevitably, I share that I am the Family Ministries Director at a church. I am met with silence, perhaps a raised eyebrow, or an “oh, okay…” So I feel judged, and I follow up my statement with all kinds of explanations in an embarrassing run-on sentence. “It’s a small LGBTQ+ affirming church and it’s not scary or anything like that and our youth are included no matter how they identify and our pastors welcome everyone and…” I hear myself and I think, “just stop talking!’ But I don’t. 

Do I feel I am being judged? The key word here is feel. If I feel like I am, that does not mean that someone else is judging me. It may mean that I am the one doing the judging. I am the one offering preemptive strikes and disclaimers. I am sitting in judgement of myself. I am being presumptive. Why does it make me uncomfortable to share what I do for a living? What is it in me that does not feel secure enough to just claim it, and not worry about someone else’s potential judgement. All they did was ask a question! And the truth is, I can’t change someone else’s past experience of church. Why do I feel the need to explain, or to make it okay? That’s my problem, not theirs.

Of course, I did not share all of this with the youth. But it gave me pause to remember to not judge others—or myself. There’s no need to project my fears onto someone or become unnecessarily defensive. I’m the Family Ministries Director at City Church of Long Beach. That’s it. No judgement, internal or otherwise.