Soul Words

Conflict is normal, natural, and even essential for relationships. The challenge is when we do conflict so poorly. We end up weaponizing our emotions to injure others so they feel the pain we feel. Or we shut down and lock others out. Or we feel overly responsible and apologize too quickly because we can’t manage to live in the healthy tension that conflict exposes.

Perhaps it’s time to look under the hood at what is really going on for us. James speaks to this issue when he writes:

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. James 4:1-2

God asked Cain back in Genesis 4, “Why are you angry?” and James has a follow up question that’s so very similar: “What causes fights and quarrels among you?” These are real questions that deserve real answers.

Can you name the desires that lurk beneath the surface that are messing with your relationships? HERE is a great list for some of our ‘soul words’. Just naming those deeper currents brings healing and growth (and sometimes inviting another trusted friend into the conversation can be healing as well).

Listen for the Spirit today guiding you to look underneath your conflict, your anger, and your messiness to the real desires underneath - and then bring those to God.