Toxic Positivity

Rejoice always. - 1 Thessalonians 5:16

These words of scripture are good, but how many of us have had them used agains us (or perhaps we have used them against ourselves!)? Sometimes those in power have used these words to control those on the margins, telling those without power they should be happy with what (little) they have. Sometimes religious authorities have used these words to silence those who would cry out against God in seasons of pain or loneliness. Sometimes we use them against ourselves to deny moments of real sadness or to cover over significant loss. These could all be called toxic positivity. It’s a minimizing or disregard for our negative emotions.

Both modern science and ancient wisdom see a different way forward. A couple of interesting studies have shown that denying our negative emotions is neither effective nor healthy. In a Harvard study, when experimental subjects are told of an unhappy event, but then instructed to try NOT to feel sad about it, they end up feeling worse than those not given those instructions. The American Journal of Psychiatry reported on a study of people who lost a loved one - those who make the most effort to avoid feeling grief take the longest to recover from their loss.

And Paul agrees. In this same letter when he invites them to “rejoice always” he spends an entire chapter addressing the realities of their severe trials (1 These 3). Paul invites us into the maturity of being able to hold tension, embracing both the struggles of our difficulties and the joy of so much goodness still in life.

Have you faced people (or yourself) using toxic positivity against you? Have you misused verses or phrases like “rejoice always” against others?

Today, work on holding tension. Name the struggles in your life honestly and feel those ‘negative feelings,’ bringing them before Jesus. And then, without minimizing those feelings, reflect on the joys you have in your life and express your gratitude to Jesus for those.