When Their Good Is Not Your Good

There are plenty of bad things that we don’t want to burden ourselves with from others. Shame, fear, and self-loathing are often passed off to us, not to mention all sorts of ways we inherit things like White supremacy and ablism. But then there are the good things.

There are lots of things that are good for others but not necessarily good for you. So we don’t need to criticize those good things if they don’t fit us. But we also don’t need to put them on ourselves.

In Romans 14, Paul points out that when it comes to what day we worship or what kinds of food we eat, it’s okay to see some things differently from others. He points out that not only is there no need to judge each other for our choices, but there’s also no need to burden ourselves with what others think is the way to practice our faith. Listen to these words:

One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. - Romans 14:5-6

Paul is saying that what’s good for someone else may not be good for you, and vice versa. That’s an invitation to a lot of humility (maybe we don’t see everything perfectly) and to curiosity (maybe we should approach differences with questions instead of pronouncements).

Of course, what happens a lot is that the majority rules - whether that’s the majority view in the culture or the organization (e.g., the church). So it’s even more important for us in the church to walk in humility and curiosity when we are trying to figure out how to approach differentiating from ourselves. And it’s crucial to walk with humility and curiosity towards others who are differentiating from us (whether the ‘us’ is our family or church or whatever).

Do you sense and invitation from the Spirit in here somewhere to treat someone (including perhaps yourself) a little bit differently? Talk with Jesus about that.