Forgiveness as a Form of Generosity to Self and Others

This past Sunday we focused on the fruit of the spirit of generosity. 

When we were doing our exercise at the end, what struck me was the prompt about what makes it harder and what makes it easier when putting generosity into practice. 

Recently, I have been feeling very sad, particularly experiencing feelings of betrayal, resentment, and jealousy. And it is really uncomfortable and can be quite painful. As I reflected during the exercise, what makes it harder for me, particularly to be generous after being mistreated, is my ego (I wrote: feeling used, forgotten, disappointment from expectations, and fearfulness). For easier, I wrote: humility, thinking of Jesus, and remembering that there is no fear in love. 

The generousness I need to practice, I think, is with humility and forgiveness, of self and others. 

To be generous is to remain in God. 

Is that why I am having a hard time? I cannot be fruitful or generous because I am not grounded in love, in God?

Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me. 

John 15:4

Abba, 

I look to you. Please strengthen me with the power of the Holy Spirit to be generous, particularly in humility and forgiveness. You know how much hurt I have experienced, but you know too, how much I don’t want to be hardened by it. I don’t like operating in my life from a place of hurt, I don't want to contribute to the harm that continues to be done in this world. I want to be part of the healing. Make me whole, oh God. Refresh my soul. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right and steadfast spirit within me. I cannot do this on my own, and what I cannot, You can. Help me to forgive, to bless, and to pray for those who have hurt me, whether it was deliberate or not. I know that hurt people, hurt people and that we are not meant to be apart from you nor from one another. Help me, us, to walk into situations prepared with the fullness of You and to live loved. May we be free from this pride and generously be a blessing to others. Thank You that the Holy Spirit is my guide, comforter, strength, and peace. Thank You for loving me. I love you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

-Denia G. Bradshaw