How To Deny Yourself Without Damaging Yourself

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? - Luke 9:23-25

So often in religious circles we’re taught to deny ourselves. But perhaps it’s time to rethink what that means.

“Deny yourself” often gets translated into “make yourself smaller” or “you are not allowed to have wants and needs” or even “hate yourself.” But that’s clearly not what Jesus is speaking about. Jesus balances out ‘deny yourself’ (Luke 9:23) with wanting to make sure that we do NOT ‘forfeit our very self’ (Luke 9:25). So obviously there’s a difference between those two.

Paul writes on a number of occasions about the difference between the ‘old self’ and the ‘new self’ which may be a helpful way to think about it. And throughout scripture we often see times when people puff themselves up, pretend to be different than they really are, or fake righteousness - and all of those are roundly condemned. The authentic self however - even with it’s messy needs and desires - is honored by God, created by God, and blessed by God. This is the true self that Jesus speaks of trying to protect in our passage for today.

Reflect back on your religious experience and what our general culture has taught you about the self. Is the self good, bad, neutral? How do you treat your own self? Where have you been taught to shame yourself as opposed to embrace yourself? Ask Jesus to help you sort out your true self from your false self.