Living in the Tension of Not Forgiving

One of the prayers that King David wrote down (and which the Spirit preserved for us) conveys how tricky forgiveness is. As you read this passage, notice what an excellent job that David does at naming his emotions (and thank goodness, not acting on them). And then notice how he seems to feel a bit haunted by what he’s just prayed:

If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting. - Psalm 139:19-24

In some ways this seems like the prayer of two different people, doesn’t it? That last bit about being reflective seems so out of sync with the anger and even violent thoughts that spewed out at the beginning.

What if BOTH of these types of prayer were both normal and even holy? David is super pissed off at some people, who probably did some terrible things to him and to others. So he gets in touch with the feelings that come with being violated - vengeance, rage, etc. And as if just by naming those things aloud, it brings David to a place where he can reflect. He clearly suspects that those emotions should not rule his heart.

How good are you at naming the raw emotions inside of you? How good are you at then pausing and reflecting on them so that they don’t overcome your values and commitments?