The Role of Challenge in a Friendship

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. - Proverbs 27:17

The image of an iron tool like a file being used on another tool, like an axe, evokes images of pressure, sparks flying, and the tools taking their best shape through it all. What a great image of challenge.

There’s no doubt that in the healthiest friendships, there’s so element of challenge. One friend might invite the other to go on a long hike or to read a book together - there is challenge implicit in both of those activities. It may be more direct when it comes to sharing ways the other has brought hurt or has ignored you. Sometimes challenge can take the form of a friend asking really good, hard questions.

Regardless of what form it takes, it is often the component of challenge that shifts an acquaintanceship to a friendship. Not all acquaintances can (or should) make that transition, so it’s not like we can just toss in a ton of truth-telling or mountain climbing and make someone into a friend. Timing matters. Mature ways of initiating conflict matters (think, City Church’s Conflict Wheel). And loving people deeply matters.

Yet, without some healthy conflict, most friendships won’t grow deep. Ask the Spirit to bring to mind what you need to hear today about conflict in one of your friendships.